5. You believe that bad publicity is good publicity.

You accidentally refer to Fort McMurray as Fart McMurray. First it gets picked up by the usual suspects: grammar nerds who have noting better to do than correct companies. But there’s a fart in there, so before you know it, Buzzfeed, Funny or Die and Vice have gotten wind. Now you’re front page news — and so what if it’s for the wrong reason. You’ve got people talking. Except by this point, Mayor Blake and Premier Notely are making noise, going on about how the people of Alberta have gone through enough over the past few years — and now you’re comparing them to flatulence. You’d think they’d just let this one pass, but why would they when this kind of stuff’ll get them at least a few hundred votes next time around.

4. You have a crush on your printer.

You love his voice; the way he says your name; the way the ink on his hands always has a hidden message in it just for you. So yeah, you don’t mind finding reasons to keep going back to him with reprint after reprint. And, of course, even the smallest thing is cause to make the trip and spend the money: something simple like Canadian vs American spelling or an “its” vs. “it’s.”

3. You want fewer customers.

Not proofing your work is the perfect fix for this. With one typo, you clearly demonstrate you don’t care about your reputation enough to put your best foot forward for yourself so there’s no way you’d do it for anyone else. So sit back and wait for the phone to never ring.

2. You like feeling stupid.

Hey, we don’t judge. People get off on all sorts of things. Maybe you’re into people mocking you? Maybe you’re the person who always sits front row centre at a comedy club so you get picked on by the talent?

1. You want to meet the Grammar Vigilante of Bristol.

Yes, he’s a real guy. Check it: